I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 63
While my gf and I were living apart, we’d send each other a lot of letters and gifts. Drawing a little ‘chubby’ cartoon of myself inside a card actually felt extremely empowering - look, I’ve gained all this weight, I’m chubby, and I’m ok with it! I might even be cute! Be PROUD of me! While my gf appreciated the gesture, she couldn’t pretend that my vision was accurate. It seemed like such a slap in the face. I felt like I’d really made progress in terms of accepting my new, heavier figure, so to learn that I was still trying to accept an illusion felt like being dragged back to the start. Recovery is such a slow process. I was desperate to jump ahead to the ‘accept yourself as you are’ part when I was still stuck in the depths of complete body dysmorphia. I’m learning that with these things you just have to slow down and take time.