I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 71
While I tried to be as honest as I could with my therapist, I couldn’t help feeling like she was looking at me with some kind of mix of pity and disappointment. As I talked her through my triggers, anxieties and coping mechanisms, I could hear how pathetic it was. Part of me felt angry at her without her even saying anything. A sort of teenage rebelliousness - ‘I know none of this is healthy, but I don’t care - it’s gotten me this far, so you have no right to tell me I’m wrong’. I felt like she had no right to tell me anything whatsoever. I just kept reminding myself that I was there by choice, and she could only help me if I would let her.
I also think a small part of me was just secretly hoping that everything would still turn out to be a mistake, a misdiagnosis. That she would spend a few hours with me and conclude that I was being paranoid, that there was nothing wrong with me and I shouldn’t be so caught up in all this recovery nonsense. Acceptance issues much?
If you are someone in Australia who feels the need to see a counsellor, but are holding back because of the cost, see your GP. Even if you aren’t on a mental health care plan, you can often still get a referral for a limited number of visits on medicare. This could be anything from general low level anxiety, to needing help dealing with a particular transition or grief in your life. Help is much more readily available than we often think.
In NZ also you can see your GP and be prescribed a certain number of no-to-low cost therapy sessions. I got 5 free hour-long sessions a few years ago, and going through with attending was really hard, but at that time, for me, the best thing I could have done for myself.
Thanks so much for the tip. Good news for you folks in NZ! (Can’t wait to hit Queenstown in a few weeks and get my zipline on)