I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER - Page 022
I don’t really know how to describe what a violation it felt like to force myself to eat that way. It was so mechanical, so rushed, all movement and no taste, huge gulping mouthfuls that I would barely chew to swallow down, feeling like I couldn’t breathe yet couldn’t stop or slow down because I just wanted it to be over. While it got better over time, it’s still an issue. I’ll sit down with my family or girlfriend for a meal, and will be finished well before anyone else. For those in my inner circle who know I’m recovering from some ED issues, I imagine it must be confusing to see me race through my food. But even now I struggle to taste most foods. It’s just part of my routine, one of the many things during the day that I don’t want to do, but have to get done.
I’m sure there’s probably something very Freudian in all this. Eeww.